Carrie Lawson

To begin I ask that all who read this do so with an open Christian mind. I know this case better than most because Im the daughter of Karen Mcpherson. For years I have wanted to be heard , but have been scared of who would listen. First Id like to express my sympathy to a wonderful family who lost a an amazing woman. Carrie was a funny, bright , beautiful woman who deserved all God had intended to bless upon her. She deserved to live a long happy life by the side of her loving family. There is not a day that goes by Im not haunted by her face. I was only a child of 10 at the time, but I remember being so angry at my mom. Angry for the crime, angry for her family, angry she left me and went to jail, angry that I was alone. I used to imagine I was Carrie. I was scared , alone. I begged God to help them find her, I begged God to bring home my mommy, I begged God to forgive my family, I begged God to help her family be ok. I was helpless. I was 10 , I was alone and Carrie was missing. The tears that have been shed over her could fill an ocean. There is not a day that goes by that my entire family doesnt pray for Carrie, her family, our family. This has devestated the lives of so many people. So many lies, so many mistakes. The FBI made so many mistakes, Jerry, my mother, her husband. There are more people than just my mother to blame for this terrible crime, she's just the one that took the down fall.You have all read the details of one side, now here a few from the other. My family did not commit a crime, I have a loving Christian family. Yet we have been harrassed for twenty years. After the arrest of my mother the police just sat outside Jerry's house. They wouldnt go in. They just waited. It was reported that he killed himself witha rifle, pulled the trigger with his big toe, but there was no gun powder residue on his foot or the floor. It was said Lawson didnt know Jerry yet his wife said the had talked a few years before when Jerry was thinking of expanding the buisness. His wife Shelia also recoeded all the phone calls between my mom and Jerry. She knew about the crime before it took place. She did nothing about it, she wasnt charged withanything. She burned the tapes so the cops couldnt listen. Isnt that destroying evidence?! She knew when he got the money and started helping him spend it. The FBI when sending EARL to drop off the money put a beeper in the bag and one on Earl. They knew where Earl was returning after the drop , yet THEY SAY BOTH BEEPERS HAD THE SAME NUMBER SO THEY FOLLOWED THE WRONG ONE!!?? What, and how? How do you not know who you are following,what vevicleyou are following?At what point do you realize you are following your guy, turn around and follow the other beeper? Why arrest my mom first (the accomplice), why not arrest the person who actually kidnapped her. Believe me when I say my mother helped commit a TERRIBLE CRIME!.  One that has shook this world with anger and hurt. After she was arrested I was left with step grandparents. My step dad decided he didnt want me since my mom was in jail. I had six attempted kidnappings on myself at my school, kids turned on me. My principal stopped a man that claimed to be my uncle from snatching me. I want to thank to beautiful teachers for saving me. Mrs, Crider and Mrs. Stutavant. You saved me from losing my little mind. I think of you often. After It was deamed dangerous to other students for me to be at that school I had to find a new home. We  had bomb threats, people calling me saying I was ASINNER< WHORES CHILD AND WOULD BURN IN HELL! Awful days ensued my life, I was threatened, harrassed, my cat was murdered. The officer assigned to search our home tried to shoot my dog instead of letting me take her out of the fence. I screamed for at least a minute straight , then ran at him , they eventually let me leash her so their dog could enter. During the years that followed I have been stalked, harrassed , homes all broke into. I became quite a basket case. I have nothing but prayers and sympathy for this family that has lost such a wonderful example of Gods work. BUT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING. Where is the sympathy for a family left torn, embarressed, hunted . We ALL have endured so much. My mom has lost many family members, my great grandma, great grandpa, 2cousins, two grandfathers all who wept out of mourn, out of heartache, despair. We are filled with compassion , but we have endured far beyond what any family should endure. I have nothing against Carries family but their PI RED SELF CAME DOWN ON ME LIKE CHICKEN POX! He was never far out of sight. He even made offers to my family to put me through college, to help financially with my raising if only we could help. WE DONT KNOW ANYTHING!! HOW WE WISH WE DID! I feel Carries presence everyday, I talk to her daily, I apologize for my mother, for her pain. No one can understand what we ALL BOTH families have endured. What its like when I LOOK AT MY CHILD AND KISS HER GOODNIGHT HOW GUILTY I FEEL THAT CARRIE CANT BE DOING THE SAME WITH HER CHILDREN. GOD IVE WISHED AMILLION TIMES IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME THAT WAS TAKEN NOT HER. I have struggled my entire life as the daughter of a kid napper. I have been stalked by reporters, PI'S, and much worse. People call asking questions, saying they work for a news paper or magazine. You call the companies and no such person works there.Several times in two states (into my early twenties) men in green jeeps, blue tags, claiming to work for local law enforcement , drive up and start asking me things. I call th edepartment they said they worked for... NO ONE HERE BY THAT NAME SWEETHEART!! There are no amounts of Im sorry, Please forgive that can be said at the loss of a family member. Im trying to move on, Im getting help for all the crazieness Ive endured including losing my home to Hurricane Katrina. Life has been a living hell for me since SEPT 11, 1991. Ive been on my own ,a scared running bunny since age 15. I now have kids of my own that I never let out of my sight. I have been scared of being kidnapped myself as punishment for others for twenty years. My mother has been a model prisoner for twenty years.She has taken every college course offered, she has learned and worked every job at the prison, she has studied and recieved every Bible Certificates offered. She has never recieved not 1 disiplinary since being ther. Not one in 20 years. EVERY GUARD will tell you she is a model prisoner. There is nothing else that can be rehabilitated. She made a mistake that cost HER NOT ONLY HER LIFE, BUT MINE, MY FAMILY'S, CARRIE'S FAMILY.  She had never been in trouble before this happened . She was a woman who saw a chance to make 10,000 for a phone call. She didnt want to do it , but was roped in. She never thought anything would happen to Carrie because Jerry was her cousin and  said he would  get the money and let her go. He had a wife and 2 kids. There were others involved , even said so in the " suicide note" WE JUST DONT KNOW WHO OR HOW TO LET THEM BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!! SUCKS TO BE POOR!! Tonight Ill kiss my kids, talk to Carrie and pray to God as I do every night. Tonight Ill pray mainly for Carries sister that God lift some of her pain away. I ask God to give my mother back to me. I ve missed her. Sitting in a room across from each other hardly substitutes hugs and kisses. She has missed everything in my life. She missed my first car, first boyfriend, first heartache, my graduation, her grandkids being born and all the other things a child needs her mom for. The loss and devestaion I endured alone after the Hurricane ate my life and spit out mud! I feel for Carries family, can anyone feel for mine? My grandmother has gone through so much pain, heartache, the loss of a daughter and a husband, mother and father, My aunt and uncle have all cried and raged and begged till there is almost no more fight in them. We have all been harrassed so long, miserable so long . GOD please we ask for an easing in the suffering of all involved, and that Carrie come home or be found so that the family will have the closre they all need. We all need. ANYONE WITH ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THIS PLEASE COME FORTH!! She deserves that!! Please understand this was meant to hurt noone. I had to get it off my chest . Ive been so scared for so long, hiding for so long, never staying in one place. I need to heal, have roots. Let my children know the real me not the scared , paranoid me. I needed after 20 years to let this out. GOD BLESS!!